May 02

Full Moon

We are just a few days from Bella's first birthday. Amazing. I'm tempted to say that I can't believe how fast this year has gone, but it just wouldn't be true. This has been a very very long year. It seems like a hundred years ago since we were waiting anxiously for our referral of Bella. We jumped every time the phone rang. And then, we flew to Guatemala City and spent a week with a teeny tiny baby. Also a hundred years ago. I left the United States nine months ago today and flew all night long to pick up the teeny tiny baby with the hopes that I would never have to give her back again. Nine months ago.

Maybe I'm just homesick. I'd give just about anything to have dinner at Outback Steakhouse and then go to coffee at Starbucks or spend the evening brousing the shelves of Barnes & Noble. Or to sit in a movie theater (watching a movie in English!) and eat handfuls of greasy, buttery popcorn. Or to get in my car and spend an afternoon driving in the country, listening to the radio (also in English!). Or maybe to do something ordinary like take Irene to school, and spend some time talking to her on the way. Or (my personal favorite) to just snuggle on my bed with my husband and my dog.

Instead, I'm sitting on a hard wooden bench outside my bedroom, because the internet reception is better out here. I'm holding my laptop on my lap, typing a blog entry about what I'm thinking about tonight, and glancing at the full or nearly full moon. Did I mention I am outside? It's true. The door of my bedroom opens onto a rooftop terrace. I'm in Antigua, Guatemala. Thousand of miles from my husband and dog, from Irene, and Starbucks. But a beautiful baby girl is lying just a few feet away, in a pack-n-play, sound asleep. And she's the reason I don't go home. I can't leave without her.

Here's a picture of her from last week when she went on a swing for the very first time.